In Brides of Long Island’s “Am I a Bridezilla?” the BOLI team weighs in on an anonymous submission asking that dreaded question. What do you think?
Dear BOLI,
My whole family is mad at me over my rehearsal dinner plans, and I need you to tell me if I’m being a bridezilla or not.
A wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom, but it seems like every event is for other people. We’re having a huge reception with all this delicious food, and over and over again I keep hearing “you’re not going to have time to eat, you have to take pictures.” We got an amazing DJ and really stressed about picking a good playlist, and again I keep hearing “you probably won’t dance that much, you’ll be busy going around to all the tables.” It sounds like everyone is going to have a good time except for my fiancé and me.
Because this upset me, I decided to make our rehearsal dinner private between me and my fiancé. We’re going out to one of our favorite restaurants after our rehearsal, and everyone else can be responsible for their own meals the night before the wedding.
My mom and dad are furious at me for this. They say it’s very rude to not have a rehearsal dinner or a welcome party for your family, close friends, and out of town guests. I don’t want to do that. I want to take ONE night in this whole thing and do something for me.
So am I being a bridezilla?
Sincerely,
Solo rehearsal dinner
Dear Solo rehearsal dinner,
Are you a bridezilla? Yes and no.
I totally understand where you’re coming from. Wedding planning is stressful, and it does seem at times like you’re planning a big party for everyone else to enjoy. That being said, the party is to celebrate you and your new spouse — your friends and family are probably not going to just all get together on a random Saturday, they are there for you because they love and care about you.
As for what everyone is saying about not getting to eat, not getting to dance, etc…trust me when I say that you totally CAN eat, dance, and enjoy yourself at your wedding. And you SHOULD! Sit down with your fiancé and make a list of priorities, whether that be getting to attend the cocktail hour or getting to really enjoy your playlist. Then, let your vendor team know. Your bridal attendant, photographer, wedding planner, or anyone else who is by your side on the big day will make sure you get to do all of the things you want to do. That’s part of their job.
Now, to the rehearsal dinner. Yes, it is proper etiquette to host a dinner for those who are involved with the rehearsal and for those who have traveled long distances for the wedding. Again, remember that this isn’t a random event you’re throwing for your family and friends. People have taken time out of their lives to be a part of this huge moment in your life. Your bridal party, family, and friends have almost certainly shelled out a lot of money, taken time off of work, and possibly turned down other social engagements to be there for you. Hosting a rehearsal dinner is one of the ways you can say “thank you.” Do you HAVE to host one? No, you don’t HAVE to do anything when it comes to your wedding. But it is a way to show appreciation.
If you want to do a private dinner with your fiancé (which is a great idea), I would suggest doing it the night before the rehearsal. That moment will be the “calm before the storm” in a sense, and it would give you both the opportunity to connect before things get hectic.
I’ll also say this — take some private time with each other on your actual wedding day. Slip away to the bridal suite for 5 minutes, go outside, anything. Take it all in with your new spouse. I promise you, you’ll remember those moments forever.
Wondering if you’re a bridezilla? Email your anonymous questions to jennifer@bridesofli.com