In Brides of Long Island’s “Am I a Bridezilla?” the BOLI team weighs in on an anonymous submission asking that dreaded question. What do you think?
Dear BOLI,
My fiancé is going to Miami for his bachelor party in two weeks. It sounds like it’s going to be an amazing trip and I know they’ll all have fun.
The thing is, I want to go too! My fiancé and I really are best friends and I think even he would say I’m a pretty chill person. If I go I would let them have their “boy time” but I’d hang out with them for dinner and events in the evening. I get along well with everyone going and we all hang out together at home. It’s not like I’d be intrusive. I also know they’ll be less likely to go to a strip club if I’m there.
When I told my mom I was thinking about tagging along with my fiancé she called me a bridezilla. She said I was getting my own trip to Nashville a week later, and that it was crazy for me to suggest going with them. Would I be a bridezilla if I went?
Signed,
Tagging along
Dear Tagging along,
Yes, going on your fiancé’s bachelor trip with him would make you a bridezilla.
To be fair, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing a joint bachelor/bachelorette trip if it’s planned that way and what both of you want. I’ve been on a few of those myself and everyone enjoyed themselves.
The key words here though are planned that way and what both of you want. Your bachelorette trip and his bachelor trip have obviously been scheduled separately for a while, and whoever booked everything did so with the idea that you’d be taking your own trips. Throwing yourself into the mix now could really upend a lot their plans — chances are your fiancé’s groomsmen have already made reservations for dinners and events, and it’s not always as simple as calling places and adding one more person. It could also make the finances complicated, as they probably paid for at least some of their expenses up front based on a certain amount of people.
And while you and your fiancé may be best friends, it’s very possible that he’s been looking forward to his guy’s trip for a while. That doesn’t mean he loves you any less, it just means that we all enjoy some time with our friends sans partner.
I want to point out something else you said — “I also know they’ll be less likely to go to a strip club if I’m there.” If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of your fiancé going to a strip club, you should address that now. You can absolutely put that boundary in place without having to go on the entire trip yourself. If you don’t trust that your wishes would be respected unless you were physically present, that’s a huge red flag. Discuss your feelings with your fiancé soon — before he boards the flight.