In Brides of Long Island’s “Am I a Bridezilla?” the BOLI team weighs in on an anonymous submission asking that dreaded question. What do you think?
I’m getting married next year and my fiancé and I have decided to have a dry wedding. I’m newly sober, and my fiancé isn’t really that big of a drinker. I’m in AA, but I’m not being public about that fact. It’s important to me to keep this part of my life private, really the only people who know are my fiancé and my parents.
When I told my parents our dry wedding plans, they suggested I include it on the invites. To be honest, I was appalled at that suggestion. I don’t feel like I owe anyone an explanation on why we’re not having alcohol, and if that information is on the invites I know I will be bombarded with uncomfortable questions about it.
My sobriety is important to me, more important than alcohol at my wedding. I don’t feel like I need to justify my decision, and I don’t feel like I need to include that information on my invitations. Am I a Bridezilla for wanting an alcohol-free wedding?
Dry Wedding Distress
Dear Dry Wedding Distress,
First of all, I want to congratulate you on your sobriety. What you’re going through is an incredibly difficult journey, but such an important one. You have my utmost respect.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a dry wedding. As we say over and over again, your wedding is YOUR DAY and you get to call the shots. Your health is far more important than serving alcohol at a party, and if a scenario where alcohol is served will put your health at risk, then you have every right to demand an alternative.
For better or for worse though, most of us have come to expect alcohol at wedding receptions. For that reason, I think it would be wise to let your guests know ahead of time that your wedding will be dry. If doing so ON your invites makes you uncomfortable, consider listing it on your wedding website or including a small note with your invitations. A lot of guests will make plans around their anticipated alcohol consumption (like taking Ubers for transportation, booking hotel rooms close by, and arranging for extended childcare). Knowing that your wedding will be dry could save them a lot of money and hassle.
I understand not wanting to disclose your sobriety. That’s entirely your business, and you get to choose what you make public knowledge and what you don’t. You also don’t owe anyone an explanation for having a dry wedding. If someone asks, you can respond simply with “we feel more comfortable having an alcohol-free reception.” That’s all you have to say.
I think it’s also worth mentioning that, unfortunately, I don’t think excluding this information from the invites would prevent anyone asking questions. Guests may ask you where the drinks are during the reception, or why the bar is only serving soda, or when they can expect the champagne. Personally, I’d rather not have to field questions like that during the party.
Ultimately – as with every aspect of your wedding – it’s your choice. You’re not a bridezilla for wanting a dry wedding, but giving your guests a heads up in whatever way you see fit is probably a good idea.
Wondering if you’re a bridezilla? Submit your questions to us via DM @thebridesoflongisland, or via email to firstname.lastname@example.org