Some fiancés let you take charge, while others will want a little more say in the planning. How would you describe your fiancé? And what can you do to get on the same page? Here are the types of fiancés you’ll encounter during wedding planning.
You’re getting ready to marry the love of your life, and the party is going to be epic! While one person traditionally takes the proverbial reins when it comes to wedding planning, not every couple is built the same. Some fiancés may want to make a decision (or two, or three, or twenty) on their own, while others would rather sit back, relax, and let someone else (you) do all the work.
What are the types of fiancés you’ll encounter while planning your big day? And if their behavior isn’t exactly what you were expecting, how can you come to a compromise?
The one who wants a say on everything
When it comes to where you have dinner, what dress you should wear to work, or what you’re going to watch on Netflix tonight, your fiancé couldn’t care less. But now all of the sudden, they have LOTS of opinions on the most minor of wedding details. Seriously – you didn’t even know they could tell the difference between a calla lily and a carnation, much less prefer one over the other for your bouquet.
We get it – It’s frustrating to have inspiration for your day met with nothing but push back. But as with most relationship issues, communication is key. Be sure to express how you’re feeling to your fiancé and perhaps dig a little deeper into their reasoning for resistance. It could be that they feel they aren’t being heard, or that their ideas and feelings aren’t being considered, or a host of other concerns.
It could also be none of that, and you just have a very opinionated fiancé on your hands! If that’s the case, pick your battles – if you don’t really care that much about flowers and they do, maybe let them make that call. If they want a playlist full of country music and you hate the genre with a passion, stand up for yourself and try to come to an agreement.
The one who wants a say on nothing
You’ve tried everything in the book to get your fiancé to care about wedding planning. But let’s face it – they’re way more into their fantasy football stats than they are about matching place cards and menus.
When you have a fiancé that doesn’t seem to want any type of say in anything, it may seem as if they simply don’t care. And sometimes, that can hurt your feelings. Don’t they WANT to be involved in what will be one of the most important days of your lives?
Try not to take it personally – remember, wedding planning really isn’t for everyone. If you’d like your fiancé to be more involved with the process, try giving them a specific task (maybe even one that aligns with their interests – a football themed wedding favor, perhaps?) You can also schedule vendor meetings and ask that they be there. Who knows – they may be inspired once they see the possibilities!
The one who wants to keep things cheap
You know your fiancé is budget conscious, but holy cow – you never realized JUST how much! If it were up to them, you’d swap the DJ for a Spotify playlist and a caterer for several dozen Dominos Pizzas (which doesn’t sound that bad, but it’s not what YOU pictured for your wedding day).
We all know by now that weddings are expensive – especially on Long Island. If you’re both trying to save for other life ventures (like owning a home), your fiancé may be trying to really pinch the pennies. When you think about it, you can see the reasoning – after all, a wedding is just one day.
That being said, even if it IS just one day, it’s a pretty big day. And if you’ve been dreaming of (and saving for) your wedding, you deserve to have a day that matches your vision. Try breaking down your wedding expenses for your fiancé. If you’ve got a decent amount of savings, or make a dependable income, the “sticker shock” may not be as severe as they’re expecting. And again, remember to compromise – if you don’t really care that much about invitations, you might want to skip the $1500 custom option and go with a cheaper template.
The one who wants to blow the budget
Talk about champagne tastes on a beer budget! Your fiancé wants to spare no expense for your big day, and those dollars are adding up. If you had it your way, you’d pass on the luxury car and lighting upgrades that are costing you thousands more than you’d anticipated.
It may be time to sit down with your fiancé and have a heart to heart. What good is having a super expensive wedding if you can’t enjoy it because of spending regrets? Besides, blowing your budget sets you up for disappointment – you may think that going for the baller cocktail hour will mean more fun for you and your guests, but is it REALLY going to make that much of a difference?
Remind your fiancé about the reason behind the party – you’re making a lifetime commitment to the one you love. Everything else is just icing on the cake!
The one who wants to do whatever their parents want
This one is tough, especially if their parents are footing a big portion of the bill. Should your fiancé’s parents be able to invite whoever they’d like (within reason) if they’re paying for a lot? Sure. But your fiancé thinks their parents should decide the venue, the color schemes, and the bridesmaids dresses too.
Yeah, NO. Even if your fiancé’s parents are covering a lot of wedding expenses, it is still YOUR day. It may take a very frank discussion with your fiancé to set some boundaries in place. Remind them that while you’re very grateful for the help their parents are providing, it’s important that you both make the final decisions on your day.
If their parents aren’t helping out monetarily, it’s even MORE important that choices made match what you envision for the day. Your fiancé is an adult and more than capable of handling things on their own – they just may need a little push from you.
The one who’d rather elope or go to the courthouse
There’s something romantic about spontaneity – hoping on a plane and tying the knot in 24 hours, or taking a taxi to the courthouse in a little white dress you picked up last minute. If that’s the wedding you both want, great!
But if vows said quickly in front of an Elvis impersonator isn’t your idea of dream nuptials, you need to be honest with yourself – and your fiancé.
There is a middle ground between a big, planned out wedding and spur of the moment matrimony. Maybe that means getting legally married in a private civil ceremony and hosting a huge party later (we PROMISE you, no one will know unless you tell them!). Compromise is key, and you can do that through meaningful communication.
The one who wants a huge wedding
While you definitely want to throw a good party, your fiancé wants to take it to a whole new level. Not only are they inviting high school friends they haven’t seen in 10 years, they’re inviting elementary school friends they haven’t seen since their playground days!
If you want a more intimate crowd, talk to your fiancé about cutting the guest list a little bit. Do they REALLY need every member of their 5th grade soccer team in attendance? A beautiful wedding isn’t about how many people are there – it’s about celebrating your love with those closest to you.
If your budget allows, and it means a lot to your fiancé to have a huge wedding, see if you can come to a compromise. Maybe their 5th grade soccer buddies don’t make the cut, but their high school debate team members do!