Cold Feet? Here Are the Questions to Ask Yourself Before the Big Day

It’s normal to be nervous, but sometimes it could be something more than that.

Most people get the wedding jitters throughout planning. Perhaps you had a dream about an ex or that something went wrong at the wedding. Maybe your future spouse is annoying you during the stressful parts of wedding planning. Or maybe just the thought of spending the rest of your life with one person is making you a little nervous. This is completely normal! If you are getting cold feet, here are some questions to ask yourself before the big day – to figure out if it is just nerves or something more than that.

Why are you getting married?

This is a big question, but it’s an important one. And it’s really an open ended one. Are you getting married because it’s what is expected of you? Because it’s something you’ve always dreamed of? Or is it because you love your significant other and want to build a life together? Or it could be a plethora of other reasons. But if you’re getting cold feet, you need to do some soul searching to really figure out why you’re getting married.

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Is he/she THE ONE?

The dating scene can be tough. From bad dates and dating apps to ghosting, it can get rough. If you’ve been dating for a while, and you find someone you really click with, it can be easy to fall into that “lovey-dovey” relationship phase pretty quickly. And when he or she popped the question, you were excited of course, but might have also noticed feeling relieved that your dating days were over. But it’s important to ask yourself: is this person THE ONE for you? Only you can really answer that question, but again, if your Spidey senses are tingling as your wedding date approaches, it’s a question you probably should answer.

Are you getting married too soon?

Another open-ended question. Often couples think, “am I really ready for marriage” – even long after they’re married! And this is completely normal. Marriage can be tough – and that’s just because life happens. Situations change. Even people change. Once you get engaged, people may begin to notice you more. It might make you wonder if maybe there’s other fish in the sea. The question to answer is: are you really looking for something more, or do you just like the attention? Because at the end of the day, the person you have waiting for you at home gives you the same amount of attention and is ready to do it for the rest of your life.

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Why are we fighting?

All couples fight. Some even say if you don’t fight, something is wrong. (And if you don’t fight – there IS nothing wrong!) But if you find yourself getting irked or annoyed or constantly getting into tiffs with your significant other, think about why. Most likely, it’s because you’re both super stressed about the wedding. But if you feel the fighting is intense or you can’t resolve it quickly, take into account that it could be something more. You could always talk to a therapist or marriage counselor before the big day if the constant fighting is really bothering you.

Did I feel this way before?

If there were moments or concerns throughout your relationship where you felt this way, either about your partner or the situation, this could be a sign of something more than cold feet. When you’re in love or in a relationship, sometimes we accept certain things about our partner. And most of the time, that’s OK. The dirty clothes on the floor? Not really a reason to get nervous about the big day – just really annoying. But maybe your significant other drinks and it gets out of hand sometimes. Remember, red flags can pop up at any time in your relationship, including your engagement and even after you’re married. It’s best to really assess the situation if your gut is trying to tell you something.

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So what can you do about it? How can you really tell if it’s just pre-wedding jitters or something more? Remember, being engaged and planning a wedding can be stressful, and your emotions run high. If you find yourself overwhelmed or questioning things, take a step back. Put the wedding planning on the back burner and focus on yourself, and the reasons you love your partner. Think about the future you are planning – and the life you are getting ready to build together.

If you’re still nervous or worried, let your partner know. Speak to a therapist or a marriage counselor. Take a mini-vacation to clear your head. Keep doing the things you love that normally relax you – the gym, yoga – anything to take your stress down a peg and warm up those cold feet.